The Chomical Engineer - Redefined !!! (The Chomical Engineer - Part II)

"My name is Nadirshaw Dhondy. It is spelt as D-H-O-N-D-Y.. Its Y at the end and not I.. and dont ask me WHY" declared the Law Lecturer. A parsi who according to him is im-parsi-al (or impartial huh). A series of such lectures at MBA also makes Chomical Engineers like me im-parsi-al towards every subject that we study. Be it Accounting, Economics, Human Resources, Law or even Marketing. The fuzzy nature of every subject reinforces my chomical nature in academics. At least thats the way i perceive it to be.

Chomical Engineers find it difficult to grasp fundamentals of various subjects while doing their MBAs. Though there are many subjects of similar nature viz Financial Accounting, Cost Accounting, students like me end up scratching their heads figuring difference between the two. A group of highly active students (more active than a U238) grilling the lecturers often make me look at them with awe. Infact every word and jargon used by them made me feel as if they spoke mandarin and latin. Matters got worse when i was once alloted a humonguous task of teachig Cash Flow to the class as a part of assignment. Being a Chemical Engineer, Mass Flow, Energy Flow and Momentum Flows are the only flows i was conversant with. What was a Chemical Engineer (or a Comical Engineer) expected to teach in Cash Flow. Somehow as the golden rule says "If you cannot convince someone.. Confuse them." I had been wondering what progress I had made in 5 months as a b school student. Once the presentation was over i realised that after months of making me feel a moron, the place had finally made it possible for me to make other people feel a moron. What a progress...

The only subject I liked studying was Economics. It was closely linked to Thermodynamics (Yet another Chemical Engineering subject..). Both were full of graphs, both required a good proactive understanding, both were theorotically daunting and i was absolutely hopelessly bad at both. Yet i liked it because of one reason, no one was good at it. so you see for once i was at par with the class..hehe..

Subjects like Marketing is everyones favourite. I believe one can never be wrong and every word spoken in this lecture turns out to be a golden rule. Every strategy of a successful firm seems correct and all decisions of a failed company makes us feel how they lacked basic common sense. This actually reminds me of one of my classmates Mr. Champu, who has a common answer to every question and that is "Depends..".. "Will the strategy of umbrella marketing succeed in P&G." .. Champu will answer confidently "Depends.." (with a proud smirk on his face as if he has successfully replicated a DNA molecule..).. "Did Nestle take a correct decision in launching X product..".. again comes the answer "Depends..".. huh.. Such incidents reinforces my feeling that i m a perfect marketing material..

MBA also offers a myraid of subjects with excellent 'soporfic point'. This constant is similar to yet another chemical engineering term 'pour point' or 'flash point'. A soporfic point of 1 indicates its impossible to keep the iris and retina active in those lectures. And subjects like Economics and Statistics would definitely have a soporfic value of 10 or more. I am one of the priveldged few who end up dozing in class often and once i entered an elite class of sluggards of my batch when i achieved the feat of dozing off in 3 consequtive lectures. For once, i had a hat-trick.. yipee..

6 months into MBA and the definition of the chomical engineer is still is nt complete. Each passing day the I become more chomical. A chemical engineering graduate, worked in an IT firm, designed systems for an aerospace giant, pursuing MBA and placed in a reputed FMCG manufacturing firm in a marketing project.. Can anyone be a more Chomical Engineer???

The Sloth that I was'nt... For once !!!

It need not be mentioned that the glorious author of this blog is the biggest couch potato of his era. For those who dont know him can predict it since it has been alomost two months since he typed a few meaningless lines for the half a dozen visitors who venture through this unchartered blog per month (exaggeration regretted). All of a sudden the when i received a complement on being too cheesy and being adept at the satirical musings, i charged every limb in my body to type a few meaningless lines yet again. After all how could i afford to pooh pooh the first ThoughtFOOL person who visited this place ever since its inception. But slightly differing from the complements received, i always thought that my articles reflected the gloomiest state of the human side and i intended to activate the lachrymosal glands of every reader who visits this page. For this i ensured that i typed the articles when i woke up late, got engulfed in traffic, missed my breakfast, got drenched in the rains meanwhile finally reaching college only to find out that it was a declared holiday coz of excessive rains. A teachers scolding, a late submission of project and deduction of marks due to misbehavior is normally an icing on cake. No better time that that to jot down what i feel and after all the himalayan efforts, this unusual visitor finds my articles cheesy?? huh.. never mind..

I have always believed an empty tummy is the biggest instigator of gloominess than any other thing and that is one aspect i always prioritised whenever I intended to write a gloomy article.. (as is my state now).. We humans, are but the mostest veriest and sorriest slaves of our stomach. But to be frank, of all the wordly desires and bliss that any feeling can give, its the feeling of being full in tummy tops the charts. People who have tried it would definitely agree, that a clear conscience makes you very happy and contented; but a full stomach does the business ten folds better, and is cheaper, and more easily obtained. All nobility, generosity, tenderness, humility on earth is felt after a substantial and well-digested meal. Any ill mannered and stingy human after a good dinner becomes a great samaritan, full of generosity, a loving husband, a considerate neighbour and a very responsible project manager.

On many occassions the anguish of hunger left us alone in the kitchen along with a few eggs and frying pans to accompany so that we could try to do the experiment of our lives (the engineer in me is quite active you see..)Whenever i went near the pan i burnt myself, and then i would drop everything and dance round the stove, flicking my fingers about and cursing the things. Indeed, every time i ventured into this experiment, i was sure to be performing this feat. My friends thought that it was an integral part of my south indian culinary arrangements.The modest person that i am, i would attribute everything to the fault of the frying-pan, and thought it would have gone better if we had had a teflon coated non-sticky pan and a gas-stove. But repeated failures with the latter and a charred wall behind the gas stove forced my friends to decide not to allow me ever to attempt any dish again.

It has always been difficult the fight the sloth within me. Every self help book author can take me as a case study and i can guarantee a bestseller for the one who succeeds in motivating me and thereby making me work even for a few minutes.. Though the visitor last week did inspire me to do something that no single DNA of my body had energy to do for over two months (write an article that is..), the sloth in me will soon be dominant again.. Applications invited to make the sloth dormant yet again... Limited offer.. Apply soon..

Meteorology and Manipulations !!!

"Manipulation is a skill" said Ms Sally Mathai, My chemistry teacher when I was asked to test an inorganic sample by analysing the positive and the negative radicals and I went on pestering her by asking every 5 mins if it was one salt or the other. For non Chemical Engineers, please consider this gyaan the most difficult positive radical to analyse is H+ and the same for a negative radicle is OH-. The compound containing these two is H2O,, yes you got it,, potable water in simple english.I was given water to analyse and 3 hours of fruitless analysis as usual yielded nothing. Guess it was a cost cutting measure (an idea adopted by many software giants offlate) followed in the lab owing to my wasting of precious chemicals and giving fruitless manipulations.

The IMD (Indian Manipulative Department.. oops Indian Meteorological Department) seems to have been effected by this contagious disease of mine. I ve spent the last 3 odd weeks in Mumbai where its the time for the torrential rains to start pouring and wretch a havoc causing a deluge. I made it a point to read the weather forecast before i ventured my way out to explore the city's vibrant culture. "Cloudless Sky, Bright Sunshine" was the forecast. Thinking that I cant find a better climate to move out, I started on my expedition wearing the thinnest possible attire (a kurta). One peculiar observation was that all people on the road were carrying an umbrella. I smirked thinking how fools they were to carry an extra luggage while all they needed to do was to check the weather forecasts. huh people really lack basic intelligence. I looked at the heavens thinking that I was surrounded by fools and to my horror saw a huge black cloud covering the "BRIGHT SUNSHINE" and a thick drop of water fell on my eyes. Before I could look for a shelter the rain gods came smiling down and drenching me completely. All the FOOLS around me moved smoothly with their umbrellas wide open. Well the hapless fate had more in store, my friend who normally comes taking his bike on this auspicious day came in his Scorpio with the AC on full throttle. I was shivering all through as if i had seen a ghost.

A few days passed by but my habbit of looking at the forecasts still dint fade. "Heavy to Very Heavy showers predicted for the next 48 hours" read the seciton this time. All my friends wanted to go to juhu beach and I prevented myself taking a huge risk. I stayed @ home and glanced through the windows as all my friends embarked without taking an umbrella. I laughed my heart out thinking that the rains are going to pour and they ll be drenched and soaked out and that my decision of staying at home would be considered an act of geniusness. The entire day went by and sun was beating down its gentle heat. Not a drop of water fell. In other words it was a perfect Cloudless Day with bright sunshine, a perfect evening that could be spent at any beach. huh,,

I have personally kept a note of the forecasts everytime after that and have found that they are the frauds of highest order. It "forecasts" precisely what happened yesterday or a the day before, and precisely the opposite of what is going to happen to-day.Probably they are doing what I used to do in my high school days - Manipulation. But remeber as Ms. Sally Mathai says "Manipulation is a skill".. and IMD lacks it...

Me, Mona Lisa and Mushi

Software companies employees know only one thing to do - KILL. When they have work, they kill the codes and when they dont have work, they kill time. I am no exception and perfectly fit in the latter category and can boast of a good 23 month experience in that. Infact never did I know that my experience would be put to use last week when I had to spend an entire night at the Ahmedabad Airport to board an early morning flight to Chennai. A mobile on roaming, a laptop with a drained battery and an empty tiffin box, I had nothing to pass the behemoth 7 hours that lay ahead. Fortunately a Higginbotham's book shops open doors invited me to have a look at the plush shop with an amazing collection of books. A person like me in a book store is analogous to a Japaneese in Bihar, the combination just is nt correct.

As I passed through all the Roys, Browns, Archers, Sheldons, Sharmas and Puzos, I saw Mona Lisa smiling at me from the covers of "Famous Paintings of Medieaval Era". The smile is supposed to be very mysterious and for ages, historians have failed to decipher the reason for the famous smile. Keep Mona Lisa before me and I ll think she smiles thinking she has seen the biggest sloth of the generation, keep her in front of you and she may laugh at the inaneness of you since you are spending your valuable time doing the least value addition job available to you,hehe. That day she was smirking as my hands fell on the Pakistani President s Memoir "In the Line of Fire". The moment I took the book and read the first line - A national bestseller, I looked at Mona Lisa, she was smirking more. As if it was telling me, the book is all crap right from the first line.Its all fallacy.

A cuishoned stool was available exactly between the two shelves and i found myself sandwiched between the two books. As I was reading the book, I kept on looking at Mona Lisa and all the way i found her smirking. The first few chapters were on the initial life of the President and giving it the least importance, i skipped it faster than I count currency notes. I looked at Mona Lisa, her smile i presumed to be a sign of pride on my intelligence on giving least importance to the Paki Presidents child hood life. The chapter on Kargil was more ludicrous than the best of Jerome K Jerome's classics. Musharraf s sense of humour has to be lauded as he keeps on iterating something that over a billion people know is false i.e. Pakistan having won the Kargil war. This time when I looked at Mona Lisa, she was smiling with me, giving me a feeling that we both are enjoying the serious writing as an attempt for farce by Musharraf.

Throughout the book the president wanted the readers to believe that Pakistan had no selfish interests in supporting USA in the fight against terror. A formal reading itself made me a huge fan of the President's ludicrous writing. Hardly had I laughed so much reading any other book all my life. I saw Mona Lisa, this time her smile seemed a laughter for me as if we were laughing together. I was proud that Da Vincis creation was giving me good company on an otherwise boring night at the airport. This blog is not an attempt at being a critic of the book, in fact I sincerely recommend it for people who need daily dose of laughter. Read the book and you ll roll off the floor laughing for sure. But the article I ve typed to show how my thoughts were matching with that of an artists creation that night. I finished a few chapters and looked at Mona Lisa, her eyes were having a faint degree of sleep. I closed my eyes too and the ruckus sound of the Airport Authorities awakened me after a few hours sayhing "Pls proceed for check in". Rubbing my eyes I saw Musharaff peeping through his book towards me and when I saw what my companion is doing, the book was nt there. I kept the book on the shelt, smirked and went for my check in.

The C(h)omical Engineer

“So you are a Comical Engineer, Mr. Mahadevan”, Said Mr. Bose while interviewing me for my first job in a reputed software firm.

I chuckled thinking that all Chemical Engineers are Comical breeds of Engineers is what Bose intended to say..
“No sir. I am a Chemical Engineer..” I said
“That’s what I am saying, you are a C(h)omical engineer..” Bose said a bit aghastly. This time the ‘H’ was more profound and audible. Still baffled I went on to argue
“Sir I am a Chemical Engineer.. C-H-E-M-I-C-A-L (spelling every letter in the word) Engineer”… Bose was furious and it was later I realized that his Bengali Accent made him pronounce Chemical as “Chomical”.. Somehow I was through with the Interview but 2 years since the escapade I still appreciate Bose for his forecasting power and predicting my true identity – “The Comical Engineer”..

Bose’s Comical Engineer ended up joining the Software Firm (with many other Comical Engineers… off course). The firm boasts myriad of associates from a versatile academic background, different geographical locations and varied culture but having one common trait.. Each one is turely, deeply and totally a Comical Engineer. In fact we could have easily nominated ourselves in the ‘Guinness’ for staying in a place with highest density of population of invalids (that’s what Comical Engineers are best at..).

One of my first experiences of meeting yet another comical engineer happened to be my Project Manager. The work in any IT industry is measured in terms of Person – Days.. So if a work is allotted 10 Person – Days, mathematically it is equal to 10 Persons doing that work in a day or 1 person working on it for 10 days or 2 persons working on it for 5 days. Fortnately he was nt a Comical Engineer to the extent to have allotted 3.33 persons working on it for 3 days or to go to the extreme allocating the work to 4.5 persons for 2.35 days.. huh.. I somehow don’t digest the logic.. Can 9 pregnant women deliver a baby in 1 month.. “Mathematically Yes” is what he told me and started grinning.. Comical Engineers at their best is what I would describe it as.

There is a Golden Rule for Chemical Engineers by the way. Since we are neither adept at Chemistry nor in Engineering, we make it a point to talk Chemistry in front of Engineers and Engineering in front of Chemists..
“What if both are present”, asked one of my smarter colleagues in the Software firm that I work.. Stunned and clueless for a few seconds.. I replied..
“huh,,, We ‘ll talk Politics..(he he)…” (as its something the other billion Indians cant..)

22 months into the IT business after graduating in Chemical Engineering and now quitting the firm (before being kicked out..) and planning for a MBA in Marketing. That’s a real case of Identity crisis. And for the junta coming under such conundrums, there is one clan which will always welcome you - “The Comical Engineers”

Being ThoughtFOOL

"The biggest room on earth is the room for improvement" - Driven by such inspirational German Paradigms (The paradigms are inspirational and not the Germans I mean), I ve finally decided to strain my sluggish forelimbs to type out an article for this blog because of two very important reasons:

1. I have nothing else to do

2. Even the idea of doing something makes me tired.

I have always been known as the person who has been blessed with the laziest set of bones the civilization has ever produced and the effort taken by me to type out something that about half a dozen visitors / year (you see I am a big time optimist...) would care to look at should be comprehended...

The Name that I had to choose for the blogger consumed atleast a thousand kilocalories (Medical Encyclopedias say an Active Brain consumes Hell a Lot of energy.... but only while it thinks) and I could not come up with any better than the one I chose - "Being ThoughtFOOL". I would have loved to prove how apt the Title is but as I ve already stated... I am too idle to think of an explaination right now. My Idle attitude towards life surfaced from my school days itself.

"Mahadevan, You are an Idol (or Idle,, huh)" is what one of my Class Teachers told me on my dismal performance in the exams that included a 3/40 in Biology. For ages I tried deciphering why did my teacher eulogise on my pathetic performance. Its only later that I realised that she would have meant "IDLE" and not "IDOL"...

There is a Golden Rule of being Idle, as Jerome K. Jerome puts it..."It is impossible to enjoy idling unless you have plenty of work to do." Well unfortunately we had a difference of a century between our births else I bet a 100$ that we would have been the best of buddies. I have adopted this principle of his in my daily routine to a great effect. The real joy of being lazy and Idling is when you are down with maximum work, when the Inbox is full of High Priority Change Requests (Guess I ve given clue that I am a Programmer..) or you have other important commitments. And suppose I am to get up early in the morning for some reason, that is the time I feel like spending an extra hour on my bed.

Now that I ve given a hint of what to expect from this blogger, let me now explain how did I come with an idea to create one. I was dawdling and chatting with a friend who regularly posts articles on his blogs (as long as I read his articles, I have a feeling mine is the Second to Worst blogger in this Universe...). I told him that I too was planning to explore this unchartered territory and said "I am planning to put up articles on something that no previous human being has ever said a word - a subject that will stimulate, freshn and invigorate all men (it cant invigorate women as it requires brains to be invigorated…)reading it..". He laughed and appreciated my sense of humour. Now thats my rotten luck. When I make serious observations people chuckle; when I attempt a joke nobody sees it. Thats my incident of "being thoughtFOOL"....

Welcome Aboard!!!! And watch out the space for more thoughtFOOLness...

(p.s. If you happen to read it till here, thats Your Quota of being thoughtFOOL.. common you have a lot of productive work to do... )