Disclosure: All characters mentioned in this article are fictitious and bear no resemblance to any person living or dead. And any resemblance if found may be purely coincidental. :D:D
“Sir, last glass of Champagne.. Only for you”.. Winked the waiter at the Gurukewl night for Interns of a reputed FMCG company.
I smirked and joyously accepted the invitation and awed at his generosity as if Warren Buffet has donated a few Billions for charity. We were a gang of 2 dozen paying utmost attention to the CEO of the company who gave a passing remark “CSR and Altruism is in our DNA..”.. I could nt differ as this credo of theirs has percolated even to the waiter who showed his utmost concern towards a alcohol view tongue wagging individual like me.
It was a mixed bag of feeling which was observed in the night there. A few were victoriously gulping peg after pegs of liquor for completion of their projects and there were a few who were aimlessly taking unending rounds of liquor to hide their sorrows with projects. One such individual was Nikunj who sat at one end of the hall with a silly brat Vamsee, who normally speaks 10 folds more than he listens. Blame it on the effect of alcohol, he was as silent as kindergarten kid who has just peed in his half pants and desperately waiting for it to dry to avoid embarrassment. It would nt be an understatement to say that the meeting had a Keshto Mukherjee s heir who did every possible act to make his soul proud. (Un) Luckily, the party ended and the behemoth task to taken a 80 KG drunken brat back home (which none of us was aware of ) fell on my shoulders. It did not come as any surprise to me as rains started pouring once we initiated our itinerary back home (Nikunj s home to be frank..).. Nikunj s problem was he was posted in a deserted area called Ankleshwar which was in a dry state, with scanty greenery (with respect to the crowds ;) ) and no work. The former two would have made any soul on earth’s life miserable but I would love to trade the last aspect of his internship programme. But he was nt ready to do so.. Karma as its called…
Vamsee kept Nikunj busy criticizing me as I kept myself busy trying to get auto rickshaws for our conveyance to the Railway station 4 miles away. After a few unsuccessful attempts, Nikunj caught hold of an auto, asked the driver “Ankleshwar chaloge kya…”.. Boy, does he remember we are in Mumbai about 200 KMs away from the place he is talking about. Vamsee finally spoke in his south Indian – hindi accent “Yaar, isko to total Chad gayaa..”… The confused auto rickshaw driver sped away from us to avoid more problems. 15 minutes of struggle and we were awarded as another generous person – an auto driver stopped near us and agreed to take us to the station. Trying to reach early, we settled to take a short cut.. The road no one takes - to cut short the time and reach our destinations early.. And to be frank – to relieve off Nikunj s inane shenanigans as quickly as possible.
For those who think it was tough managing Nikunj, well you are wrong. It was a total torture.. Imagine Ganesh-otsav when we often witness huge and behemoth Ganesha Idols sitting on Rats.. Poor creature.. Do we ever think what goes to the lil rat.. Carrying the entire weight of Lord Ganesha.. huh.. Well to tell you, I was no less than a rat carrying the entire weight of Nikunj.. Just as we had settled for a few nanoseconds, off came the champagne, the wines, the cocktail - everything from Nikunj s belly.. The brat puked.. And Puked all over the auto.. all over me.. all over Vamsi.. I always thought there can nothing be filthier than the open lid garbage bin found in most of Mumbai streets.. The condition that me and Vamsi were in would have made any sanitary worker of Mumbai municipality proud of his sanitation..
The shouting vamsi voice became more prominent as the sound of the auto engine plummeted and the vehicle came to a complete standstill.. The auto wala helplessly tried starting the vehicle only to give the usual “keeekeee keee keee” sound.. The auto failed to help us in the ludicrous position we were in. Vamsee kept his cool and gave his managerial suggestions “Yaar.. Tu calculate kar.. yahan se paidal challenge is #$^$##% ko lekar, to 1 ghata ho jaayega.. We ll better push the auto and start it.. It would help us”… Nikunj heard the conversation and the drunken – puked chap caught hold of the auto driver sleeves “Saale ##$#$#^#, Gadi chalti nai kya teri $^$%#$^.. Chalu kar &$%##&&#”.. It was showering rain outside and inside Nikunj was blessing the auto driver with the choicest of the auspicious words any hindi lexicon could boast of. Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them..After consoling him, vamsee and me (who were also partially drunk) came out to push the auto.. with the driver and an 80 KG Ganesha (pun intended) inside. Several attempts but no avail.. After 3 attempts, the effect of the Champagne had evaporated. Having failed to start the auto, we started our stint towards the railway station, carrying Nikunj on our shoulders..
Nikunj tried stopping every auto on our way and abusing any living creature he found on the way.. When no rational human gave him a damn, he caught hold of a street dog and continued his “Ankleshwar” chat with it.. The 2 miles walk seemed ages with the rain showering at its peak and Nikunj tormenting us further.. They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.. Absolutely no one Our eyes lit up when moments before reaching the station, we had an auto driver agreeing us to take us directly to Nikunj s place.. The problem was still not over, both me and Vamsee dint know where does he stay.. We called up friends to get his address and asked the auto driver to take us to Andheri.. Peace finally – even if it was for a few mins.. A short nap was interrupted by the auto driver asking where exactly to head in Andheri. I sensed peace in the 2feetX4 feet auto, Vamsee was sleeping, so was Nikunj. The raucous vehicle horns woke up vamsee but sweet Nikunj was still delirious. Confused as we need to take a left or right, we woke him up after several unsuccessful attempts. Nikunj erupted “saale #%^&^&$#, sone bhi nahi dete mujhe tum #$^&%$@.. Yahan se left le lo”.. He said pointed towards his right, adding to our frustration which way to head for. Vamsee played the role of a guardian “Dekh Nikunj, teri bhalai ke liye bol raha hoon, kis direction mein jaana hain.. Tu left bol raha hain and right dikha raha hain..”.. Nikunj erupted again “Saaale $%&&%$, samaj nahi aa raha, left lo,, left.. kahan se aa jaate hain”.. Nikunj showed his right by his hands yet again.. Just as vamsee was about to ask him again, I had to interrupt “Bhaiya, right le lijiye..”.. A couple of kilometers later we again reached a road where we had no clue wheter to take a left or a right. I glaced at Vamsee.. Vamsee was back in action “Arey Nikunj, dekh hum tere ghar ke kitne nazdeek hain, bas ek baat bata,, ankhen khol aur bol left or right from here.. ”.. Nikunj saw the place and said “Right”.. We took left..
A series of such Lefts and Rights took us to a dilapidated building which was no less than a paradise for me, as that was the place where we could dump the 80KG human mass we had been carrying and tolerating all his idiosynacracies.. It’s a great feeling to get tired and feel relieved at the same time.. Vamsee said before dropping me at my place “Kya din tha yaar, Gurukewl ne bahut kuch sikhaya aaj .. ” and winked.. Its not new to find our lift in a repaired state but that was the last thing I wanted to happen.. Step after step, I reached the 5th floor as my roomie Sid was celebrating his birthday having beer.. “Hey,, good that you ve come,, wanna have something..” he offered his toast to me as I showed my finger to him and headed to my bed..
“Sir, last glass of Champagne.. Only for you”.. Winked the waiter at the Gurukewl night for Interns of a reputed FMCG company.
I smirked and joyously accepted the invitation and awed at his generosity as if Warren Buffet has donated a few Billions for charity. We were a gang of 2 dozen paying utmost attention to the CEO of the company who gave a passing remark “CSR and Altruism is in our DNA..”.. I could nt differ as this credo of theirs has percolated even to the waiter who showed his utmost concern towards a alcohol view tongue wagging individual like me.
It was a mixed bag of feeling which was observed in the night there. A few were victoriously gulping peg after pegs of liquor for completion of their projects and there were a few who were aimlessly taking unending rounds of liquor to hide their sorrows with projects. One such individual was Nikunj who sat at one end of the hall with a silly brat Vamsee, who normally speaks 10 folds more than he listens. Blame it on the effect of alcohol, he was as silent as kindergarten kid who has just peed in his half pants and desperately waiting for it to dry to avoid embarrassment. It would nt be an understatement to say that the meeting had a Keshto Mukherjee s heir who did every possible act to make his soul proud. (Un) Luckily, the party ended and the behemoth task to taken a 80 KG drunken brat back home (which none of us was aware of ) fell on my shoulders. It did not come as any surprise to me as rains started pouring once we initiated our itinerary back home (Nikunj s home to be frank..).. Nikunj s problem was he was posted in a deserted area called Ankleshwar which was in a dry state, with scanty greenery (with respect to the crowds ;) ) and no work. The former two would have made any soul on earth’s life miserable but I would love to trade the last aspect of his internship programme. But he was nt ready to do so.. Karma as its called…
Vamsee kept Nikunj busy criticizing me as I kept myself busy trying to get auto rickshaws for our conveyance to the Railway station 4 miles away. After a few unsuccessful attempts, Nikunj caught hold of an auto, asked the driver “Ankleshwar chaloge kya…”.. Boy, does he remember we are in Mumbai about 200 KMs away from the place he is talking about. Vamsee finally spoke in his south Indian – hindi accent “Yaar, isko to total Chad gayaa..”… The confused auto rickshaw driver sped away from us to avoid more problems. 15 minutes of struggle and we were awarded as another generous person – an auto driver stopped near us and agreed to take us to the station. Trying to reach early, we settled to take a short cut.. The road no one takes - to cut short the time and reach our destinations early.. And to be frank – to relieve off Nikunj s inane shenanigans as quickly as possible.
For those who think it was tough managing Nikunj, well you are wrong. It was a total torture.. Imagine Ganesh-otsav when we often witness huge and behemoth Ganesha Idols sitting on Rats.. Poor creature.. Do we ever think what goes to the lil rat.. Carrying the entire weight of Lord Ganesha.. huh.. Well to tell you, I was no less than a rat carrying the entire weight of Nikunj.. Just as we had settled for a few nanoseconds, off came the champagne, the wines, the cocktail - everything from Nikunj s belly.. The brat puked.. And Puked all over the auto.. all over me.. all over Vamsi.. I always thought there can nothing be filthier than the open lid garbage bin found in most of Mumbai streets.. The condition that me and Vamsi were in would have made any sanitary worker of Mumbai municipality proud of his sanitation..
The shouting vamsi voice became more prominent as the sound of the auto engine plummeted and the vehicle came to a complete standstill.. The auto wala helplessly tried starting the vehicle only to give the usual “keeekeee keee keee” sound.. The auto failed to help us in the ludicrous position we were in. Vamsee kept his cool and gave his managerial suggestions “Yaar.. Tu calculate kar.. yahan se paidal challenge is #$^$##% ko lekar, to 1 ghata ho jaayega.. We ll better push the auto and start it.. It would help us”… Nikunj heard the conversation and the drunken – puked chap caught hold of the auto driver sleeves “Saale ##$#$#^#, Gadi chalti nai kya teri $^$%#$^.. Chalu kar &$%##&&#”.. It was showering rain outside and inside Nikunj was blessing the auto driver with the choicest of the auspicious words any hindi lexicon could boast of. Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them..After consoling him, vamsee and me (who were also partially drunk) came out to push the auto.. with the driver and an 80 KG Ganesha (pun intended) inside. Several attempts but no avail.. After 3 attempts, the effect of the Champagne had evaporated. Having failed to start the auto, we started our stint towards the railway station, carrying Nikunj on our shoulders..
Nikunj tried stopping every auto on our way and abusing any living creature he found on the way.. When no rational human gave him a damn, he caught hold of a street dog and continued his “Ankleshwar” chat with it.. The 2 miles walk seemed ages with the rain showering at its peak and Nikunj tormenting us further.. They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.. Absolutely no one Our eyes lit up when moments before reaching the station, we had an auto driver agreeing us to take us directly to Nikunj s place.. The problem was still not over, both me and Vamsee dint know where does he stay.. We called up friends to get his address and asked the auto driver to take us to Andheri.. Peace finally – even if it was for a few mins.. A short nap was interrupted by the auto driver asking where exactly to head in Andheri. I sensed peace in the 2feetX4 feet auto, Vamsee was sleeping, so was Nikunj. The raucous vehicle horns woke up vamsee but sweet Nikunj was still delirious. Confused as we need to take a left or right, we woke him up after several unsuccessful attempts. Nikunj erupted “saale #%^&^&$#, sone bhi nahi dete mujhe tum #$^&%$@.. Yahan se left le lo”.. He said pointed towards his right, adding to our frustration which way to head for. Vamsee played the role of a guardian “Dekh Nikunj, teri bhalai ke liye bol raha hoon, kis direction mein jaana hain.. Tu left bol raha hain and right dikha raha hain..”.. Nikunj erupted again “Saaale $%&&%$, samaj nahi aa raha, left lo,, left.. kahan se aa jaate hain”.. Nikunj showed his right by his hands yet again.. Just as vamsee was about to ask him again, I had to interrupt “Bhaiya, right le lijiye..”.. A couple of kilometers later we again reached a road where we had no clue wheter to take a left or a right. I glaced at Vamsee.. Vamsee was back in action “Arey Nikunj, dekh hum tere ghar ke kitne nazdeek hain, bas ek baat bata,, ankhen khol aur bol left or right from here.. ”.. Nikunj saw the place and said “Right”.. We took left..
A series of such Lefts and Rights took us to a dilapidated building which was no less than a paradise for me, as that was the place where we could dump the 80KG human mass we had been carrying and tolerating all his idiosynacracies.. It’s a great feeling to get tired and feel relieved at the same time.. Vamsee said before dropping me at my place “Kya din tha yaar, Gurukewl ne bahut kuch sikhaya aaj .. ” and winked.. Its not new to find our lift in a repaired state but that was the last thing I wanted to happen.. Step after step, I reached the 5th floor as my roomie Sid was celebrating his birthday having beer.. “Hey,, good that you ve come,, wanna have something..” he offered his toast to me as I showed my finger to him and headed to my bed..
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